hell yes lets make some ravioli
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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