His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dignity is for republicans.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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