You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
