Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
