So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
