Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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