so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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