In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want her autograph on my taint
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
