will power is for people who don't want to get laid
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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