So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
