there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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