You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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