I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
