Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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