I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
