I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
