I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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