im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
