wrigley field is MILF paradise
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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