her vagine was all disorganized.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
