she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
