Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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