So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
