the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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