Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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