There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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