I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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