he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we're making bets on your personal life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
