Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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