nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We named our party play list daddy issues
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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