just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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