you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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