And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
