just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
