i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
