Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
