Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
