The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
