So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
