The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
