Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
