You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
