I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
