I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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