And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
