hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
