So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
