so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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