dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
