I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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